Cute N Cool

Sunday, February 7, 2010

To busy to post?

Because of all that is going on, the opportunity to sit down and put together a post is becoming more difficult.

Also I am feeling like I am in a slump... maybe due to the ongoing list that is time consuming, and energy consuming. I think that big birthday I had last year has made me feel old...and tired!

Lets see.... a 40 hour work week, plus my lunch period. With an added commuting time of 1 hour and 45 minutes a day to do said job.

Because I have to be at work at 6:30 am, I do not get enough sleep which adds to the stress because I am so tired most of the time.

My mom is on the way home from work, and if I don't have time to stop I feel guilty. I stop as often as I can. I am already feeling guilty that my poor sister is handling most of the overseeing of Mom, since she is currently on a work furlough from the airlines.

OK, then we have 7 animals at home. One is my horse Betsy, who has an abscess that is requiring soaking daily with Epsom Salts. This takes time and effort.

I also feel guilty if I take to long to get home, as that is a long time for the dogs to not have their people.

At this time we are preparing for a trip to California for 6 days. I hate getting ready for trips! I never know what I should bring, and always bring the wrong stuff, and too much.

In most peoples eyes, maybe it would not seem like my "list" should cause a slump. But we all have our own level...where we know we have hit the stress bar. Mine may be lower than others.

We will be heading to California the middle of next week, for 6 days. It will be hectic, as we have functions 3-4 days of that time. All in different locations; Orange, Yucaipa and Palm it will be go go go!

On this trip we will stop in Orange to catch up with some of his old office friends, as that Friday they are closing the corporate office in Orange.

My husband lived in Orange for a couple years, while I stayed home here in Washington. This was over 5 years ago, but oh do I still remember that period of my life.

I did not know that I was depressed during that time, I just slid into it and did my routine. It was only later that it was clear to me that I had been depressed during this period.

Depression just comes in like the gray Seattle weather and it is just there, day after day. You just think this is normal. I am so glad that period of my life is over, it was awful.

Ken had been transferred to corporate headquarters in Orange, for a major hearth product company whom he had worked for in Washington. We did not plan on it being that long.

I was home with the horses and chores, which meant all of the care included for them. Daily feeding before and after work, cleaning stalls, watering, all care with no help... on top of my job and commuting.

One of those winter's we had a terrible ice storm in January. I was without power here and cold, very cold. I had to hand carry water to the horses and could not get off the property due to fallen trees on our road. I also could not get the generator to start.

Can you imagine how I felt, while I was freezing, and so burned out... and when I called him he tells me that ...he was in his shorts golfing....(ahhhhhh!!!) That was not what I had wanted to hear.

Also on this trip, we are going to Amy's wedding Sunday on Valentines day in Yucaipa. She is Ken's daughter, and we are all excited that she and Jeremy are combining their family's for a new chapter in her and Miracle's ( our granddaugher) life!

Also we will be out at my husbands sisters place in the desert some of the time as well...hmmm.. golfing?

While we are gone this week, I feel terrible that the animal care will fall on my daughter, who already has a full load on her plate.

Because the old pony has a special diet, she will need to make multiple trips to soak beets, come back and feed beets, and the regular feedings as well. Oh yes, then we have the dogs. They go out and are fed in the morning, then back in. Out in the afternoon, and hopefully some kid play time with the grand kids. And finally, fed and in and out again at night.

I also feel guilty doing this to our dogs. It would be ideal if we had a pet sitter, but that is not in this tight budget.

And, of course I won't be able to see Mom, so even more responsibility falls on my sis, who truly already has earned the angel of all angel's on earth award! She is amazing, and I feel bad I cannot help her more.

So.. I will do my best to put everything in perspective..and try to think and work smart. One thing I know, it always turns out OK in the end.

I have a little calligraphy sign that I have had for years that says:

"What doesn't kill me will make me strong"

So.. to look at it another way....

I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength!
Phil 4:13

OK, I can do this!

Happy new week to all!


  1. You are a very busy person. I think somewhere in there you need to get selfish and put away some me time. It really isn't selfish, it what everyone deserves. I hope through the whole thing that you can see some good times to relax also.
    My wife and I took care of her dad in our home for seven years until he died. The complexity and difficulty that it created was so taken for granted around us. We would squeeze an hour out somewhere for ourselves but it did age us. Do take care.

  2. Of course you are stressed --- just reading your post made me feel stressed. It is too bad (but understandable) that you feel so guilty. I think everyone goes thru those periods of time...just too much going on....overwhelmed. I hope it all eases up for you soon. I have had those times in my life, but then something changes, and the pattern becomes different...Depression is a bitch. I recommend a good counselor and some medicine.

  3. Well I am glad you are too busy too post
    I have been feeling I am too boring to post! :)

  4. Yes, you do have a lot on your plate and even more heavy burdens on your shoulders. You deserve some time to yourself....something that gives you peace and joy. And most importantly, you must erase all of that guilt, at least for a little while, so you can have peace and be refreshed.

    I've felt that same depression when Ranchman John was a truck driver these past 7 months. Being alone with our 3 kids and our homeschool schedule, animal care taking, house, and then the snow and being stuck. All while hubby wasn't getting paid enough to support us back home. Yes, I was depressed. I think I was on auto pilot, mostly unfeeling, just turning off all emotions, trying not to deal with it, because I had to care for our kids most of all.

    He's home now, but is still unemployed over a month later. But I feel a little better now, because I have help and am not alone anymore.

    Hang in there. And I hope Betsy's abcess heals soon, too.


  5. I know exactly how you feel. I am not as busy as you, but there are times I want to just run away!!! But reality sinks in, and I take time for me! I don't beat myself up about it anymore. I feel much better afterwards! Thinking of you and sending HUGS your way!

  6. I live ten minutes from Orange.

    Sleep deprivation is more harmful than many realize. Starting work so early is hard. I hope that changes soon.

  7. Oh Jan, you are so sweet! You really are running yourself ragged worrying about making sure everyone else is OK! I am so glad you are taking this time for a vacation!! And I am sure your daughter doesn't mind a bit!!

    Now that is one heck of a story to be stuck with no power in the cold! Your Hubby was brave telling you what he was doing LOL!

  8. Angel speaking here...not really! All I can say Sis is that we're in this together. God knew I'd be off right now and I think it says somewhere in the bible that "Perhaps I was created for such a time as this..." I pray you have a great vacation and that it is truly a sunny and restful break that YOU DESERVE! Love you lots!
    I like this quote..."Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly".

  9. What a beautiful quote from your sister. Thinking of you.

  10. i too haven't been blogging much and thought i would check on you. i pray you find a way to settle some things down...that job commute is very very long! i don't want your fuel bill! hope your trip to calif. was great. it is so hard to leave 'the farm'...we don't do it very often...good luck jan and i hope time will allow you to return to us!

  11. I am just NOW reading this!! Ugh, I am so sorry I haven't stayed caught up! I hope you are doing/feeling better, I miss you! I haven't blogged too much lately, I got sick and let my photo a day slide, boo =( I am just not motivated right now and felt too much like I was blogging because someone expected me to. So now I am just doing it when I feel inspired lol!

    You sound so busy and I do not blame you one bit for putting the blog on the back burner, I mean, it supposed to be for fun right? And its your blog so you can do what you need to do. I hope your trip and everything worked out well. I have been thinking of you lots! Take care =) xoxo


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